Bohemian Rhapsody isn’t just bad. It’s dangerous.

The most successful musical biopic ever is part of a conspiracy to neuter Rock & Roll

Ever since Rock n Roll’s beginnings, the Man and his minions have been trying to kill its spirit. Throughout its lifetime, the most common tactic has been to replace rock’s rebellious elements by a bland, safe alternative version, and then swallow them into the belly of the mainstream.

With musical biopics quickly overtaking superheroes in the blockbuster arena, it seems the Man is trying to alter history too. Bohemian Rhapsody, the runaway success about Queen–and especially its singer/leader Freddie Mercury–presents the band’s story as a series of empty events that lack any sense of danger or disruption. The problem is that audiences, be they nostalgic middle-aged fans or their young children, are lapping it up. What we will end up with is an establishment-approved narrative about one of rock’s most outrageous bands, which will become their surviving image in the collective conscience.

The surviving bandmembers were intent on serving up a safe, self-glorifying version of their story

It’s bad enough that the movie actually sucks. We were given advance warning by Sasha Baron Cohen, who was originally slated to play Mercury: he quit the project shortly after filming began, claiming that the surviving bandmembers were intent on serving up a safe, self-glorifying version of their story. When it finally arrived, it was as bad as we expected. It is cinematically weak, offers absolutely no new insight and resembles a filmed Wikipedia entry. Rami Malek’s prosthetic rabbit-teeth are a grotesque caricature that makes it impossible to invest in any emotional connection when they are on the screen. The dialogue is cringe-worthy all through. And of course, the inconsistencies with facts are well-documented online.

The real problem is how everything the band achieved seems like an accident, or a calculated commercial ploy

But the real problem is how everything the band achieved seems like an accident, or a calculated commercial ploy. “Bohemian Rhapsody” itself is conceived as a novelty, with Mike Meyers lamely playing a producer obviously challenging the band about its hit potential and (surprise!) being proved very wrong. “We Will Rock You” is based on the hugely original thought that if you do a drumbeat that audiences can tap their feet to, it will be a huge hit. And so on, and so on. Creativity seems entirely absent during the creative process. Any notion of the band striving to go beyond commercial success is invisible. Much of the dialogue is the band congratulating themselves, with phrases like: “We’re different! We’re Queen!” like they are feeding the viewers’ brains with the reaction they should have.

This all comes together in the climax of the film, Queen’s historically awesome performance at Live Aid, which is achingly recreated in full detail! It is a sign of how bankrupt of ideas the film-makers are when they present one single show, albeit a very good one, as the absolute peak of Queen’s achievements. And they attempt to make it seem more than it was with fakery: Mercury devastated because he learnt he had AIDS right before it (he didn’t); it was the first concert after a long break for the band (it wasn’t); it was soooo much better than any other Live Aid show (that’s subjective, although those of us who were young and impressionable back then were much more hyped about the Pretenders’ performance); and that donations spiked during the show (highly debatable).

To be fair, Queen was never really a rebel group

There are none of the real subversive stories about Queen: the decadent orgies of Mercury, or even outrageous public stunts like the naked women-only bicycle race to promote the release of “Bicycle Race/Fat-bottomed Girls”. And to be fair, Queen was never really a rebel group. They were part of the immensely self-indulgent “art rock” scene, but stood out because they didn’t take themselves too seriously. In other words, they were more like the clownish bloke in the bourgeois aristocracy, who recognises jokes as a powerful weapon. Yes, Boris, we are looking at you. When Punk happened, Queen’s reaction was to defensively attack its merits. They were still a great band, however, and didn’t need their legacy airbrushed in this way.

The world is full of bad biopics, and we actually fell in love with Rock n Roll thanks to many of them. They presented entry points to unknown worlds, and were ridiculous enough so you couldn’t take them seriously, but rather try to uncover the real story behind them. Bohemian Rhapsody, on the other hand, presents itself as quality, and has been awarded by massive financial returns and awards galore. For many, this piece of fake news will now become the truth. And it is up to every true lover of Rock n Roll to fight it.